About Me

These are the pictures my son took when I first put my blog up 5 years ago.  He used to laugh and laugh when I did the pensive chin stroke, Einstein right? 

 

I am a California girl.  I grew up going to Dodger's games, Disneyland and riding my skateboard to seminary and the beach.  Most days I still love a comfy pair of jeans and a t-shirt.  There are many things about me, I love to hike, camp, garden, hang out with my family and friends, help others and most of all feel God in my life.  I have been in enterprise data software my entire career.  I have been a single working mom for the last 18 years.  We moved to Utah three years ago.  My son has turned 18 and is in college.  I love the Utah mountains and all the steeples; it is a very friendly place.

 

I am just an ordinary Jane, with a complex life, like yours.   My mom joined The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (LDS or Mormon) when I was 5.   From the beginning, I have loved The Church, it gave me the stability I did not have at home.  So much of who I am is because I knew God loved me from a young age.  I have wanted to be loyal to those feelings.  But then I came out gay, this put a divide in the most important parts of my life, me and my faith.

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When I came out at 25, I decided I needed to go and figure out being gay.  I didn't want to stop going to church, but church did not feel compatible.  The teachings were harsh as to what it meant to be gay.  I was not finding any answers at church.  And I really felt like I could continue my relationship with God outside of church.   I explored a lot of different Christian churches and other faiths, not to join one of them, but to listen to their different perspectives and soak in the different ways of seeing God.  I have loved that learning.  I saw that all faiths have wonderful ways of approaching God and understanding life and what we can become.

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My faith has remained central in my life.  Since I knew God loved me and I knew Christ was my Savior, I could never abandon that.  And I believed God was interested in my growth and He has provided me with the things I need to continue to learn and progress.  Sometimes it requires that we figure things out, that is normal I think, we are all figuring things out, especially when difficult things happen.  Where I think we are stumbling is that we are losing hope in this process of figuring things out with God.  We don't need to lose hope.  God is always there for each of us.  And I have come to think that He wants us to figure things out, that is why we feel gaps in His presence.

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I have come to feel that growth is the most exhilarating part of life.  Whether it's mastering a skill, becoming close to someone, or learning about ourselves and continuing to refine who and what we want to be.  As we live life, we come to know the desires of our heart over time.  We may not be able to have everything right now, but with time we understand more and more about Gods promises and our Savior's sacrifice so we can be all that we want to be.  And through this knowing of ourselves and others we can be more fulfilled and whole.

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My intention in my writing is to share how God has blessed my life and how I have grown from that while traversing two seemingly opposed paths, being LGBTQ and being a faithful Christian and

a child of God.

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